I came across some therapists’ thoughts a while back about shame.
Mostly, I think he is full of crap. He states that “When we feel shame, it’s about who we are and that shame comes from being taught that we are worthless.”
I believe a good dose of shame now and then builds character. We should be ashamed when we do something bad. When I was a kid if one of my parents said they were ashamed of me, I understood it was for something I did, not who I was. If you are raised properly and know the difference between right and wrong, you should be ashamed of something you do that is bad. The key is to learn from it and not do it again.
Of course, praise is even more powerful, when earned. When you tell a child you are proud of them for some accomplishment, they will strive to please you by doing more things to get praise.
Lots of “Proud” along with a little “Shame” now and then is a good thing.