Some Good Advice

For Young Men On There Way Up

  • You don’t have to keep every secret, just the important ones.
  • Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
  • Appreciate your parents. When they die, you become an orphan.
  • It’s okay to forgive, as long as you don’t forget.
  • Never make a scene after the age of 22. This also applies when you’re drinking.
  • If you wear cologne, no one should smell it from five feet away or five minutes after you’ve left.
  • When giving a toast, short and sweet is always best.
  • Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
  • Suck it up every now and then, especially for your family.
  • Don’t stare.
  • Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain.
  • Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
  • Admit it when you’re wrong, and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
  • If you offer to help, don’t quit until the job is done.
  • Know at least one good joke.
  • When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
  • If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
  • Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
  • Never ask the same question twice.
  • Be kind. Life is hard enough as it is.
  • Know your way around a kitchen.
  • Set Goals. Write them down.
  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Never park in front of a bar.
  • Play competitive sports for as long as you can.
  • Never date an ex of your friend.
  • If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
  • When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  • If you perspire, wear an undershirt.
  • People get tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  • Tip more than you should.
  • Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
  • Put your smartphone away. You probably use it too often and at the wrong moments.
  • Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
  • Value a handful of truly close friends over a hundred acquaintances.
  • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a wonderful companion.
  • Don’t split a check.
  • When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
  • Do not use an electric razor.
  • One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
  • Buy expensive sunglasses.
  • You may only request one song from the DJ.
  • Remember: You die twice, once when you stop breathing, and again when somebody mentions your name for the last time.
  • Staying angry is a waste of energy.
  • Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
  • Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
  • Avoid that “last” drink. You’ve probably had enough.
  • Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life.
  • Don’t linger in the doorway, in or out.
  • Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
  • You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.
  • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
  • Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
  • Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
  • Act like you’ve been there before.
  • Don’t gamble any amount of money that will piss you off if you lose.