An Old Bagpiper With Poor Navigation Skills

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. So enjoy every moment of life to the fullest.

As a bagpiper,  old Scotty plays many gigs. A while back he was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man that had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Nova Scotia backcountry.

Since he was not familiar with the backwoods, he got lost, and, being a typical man, didn’t stop for directions.

He finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. He felt bad and apologized to the men for being late.

He went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. He didn’t know what else to do, so started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played out his heart and soul for this man with no family or friends.

He played as he had never played before for this homeless man.

And as he played “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, he wept, they all wept together.

When he finished, he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head was hung low, his heart was full.

As he opened the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, “I have never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, old Scotty was still lost….it’s a man thing.

Red Skelton’s Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

Comedian Red Skelton is shown with his wife, Lothian, in this December, 1976 file photo from the Rose Parade in Pasadena, Calif. Skelton died after a long illness Wednesday morning, Sept. 17, 1997, at Eisenhower Medical Center in Rancho Mirage, Calif. He was 84. (AP Photo/Wally Fong)

  • Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
  • We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
  • I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
  • We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  • She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
  • My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
  • She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
  • She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
  • Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
  • The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”.
I was just a kid back then, but I can hear him say all of these in my mind’s eye.
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four-letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And best of all, he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.