First Start Of Rebuilt Engine

The guy in the cab of this Ford pickup just finished a really thorough engine rebuild and has every confidence in his precise work.

He placed every bearing insert tightly in position; noted matching and mating components like a surgeon, torqued each nut and bolt to exacting specifications, primed the fresh new oil pump and filled the engine with the best available oil engineered for his newly rebuilt power plant.

He has his good friend there under the hood, who offered to keep an eye on things while he twists they key for the first start-up. Just the moral support that he needs.

Then he twists the key……………………………..

With Age Comes Wisdom

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15 Things It Took Me 60 Years to Learn

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American author and columnist. He is also famous for his humorous quotes about things he has learned over the years.

Here are some of Dave Barry’s pearls of wisdom you should find amusing, yet useful.

  1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  2. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.“
  3. There is a very fine line between ”hobby” and “mental illness.”
  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
  7. Never lick a steak knife.
  8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
  9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
  12. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. Never fails.)
  13. Your friends love you anyway.
  14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
  15. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp on them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Why The Chicken Crossed The Road

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:

To get to the other side.

PLATO:

For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:

It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES:

Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:

The road, you see, represents the black man.  The chicken “crossed” the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.”  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON:

The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who cares why?  The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD:

Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”

FREUD:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:

I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE:

The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom have we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

DARWIN:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA:

Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:

The chicken did not cross the road… it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die.  In the rain.

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER:

It was an instinctive maneuver.  The chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.

BILL CLINTON:

The chicken did NOT cross the road.  Not a single time.  Never.  (It was a boulevard.)

COLONEL SANDERS:

I missed one?