Valerie Gets Her Cash

THE MADAM OPENED THE BROTHEL DOOR IN NEVADA AND SAW A RATHER DIGNIFIED,WELL-DRESSED, GOOD-LOOKING MAN IN HIS LATE FORTIES OR EARLY FIFTIES.

‘MAY I HELP YOU SIR?’ SHE ASKED.

‘I WOULD LIKE TO SEE VALERIE,’ THE MAN REPLIED.

‘SIR, VALERIE IS ONE OF OUR MOST EXPENSIVE LADIES. PERHAPS YOU

WOULD PREFER SOMEONE ELSE’, SAID THE MADAM.

‘NO, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE VALERIE,’ HE REPLIED.

JUST THEN, VALERIE APPEARED AND ANNOUNCED TO THE MAN SHE CHARGED $5000 A VISIT. WITHOUT HESITATION, THE MAN PULLED OUT FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS AND GAVE IT TO VALERIE, AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS… AFTER AN HOUR, THE MAN CALMLY LEFT.

THE NEXT NIGHT, THE MAN APPEARED AGAIN, ONCE MORE DEMANDING TO SEE VALERIE. VALERIE EXPLAINED THAT NO ONE HAD EVER COME BACK TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW AS SHE WAS TOO EXPENSIVE. BUT THERE WERE NO DISCOUNTS. THE PRICE WAS STILL $5000. AGAIN, THE MAN PULLED OUT THE MONEY, GAVE IT TO VALERIE, AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS.

AFTER AN HOUR, HE LEFT.

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT THE MAN WAS THERE YET AGAIN. EVERYONE WAS ASTOUNDED THAT HE HAD COME FOR A THIRD CONSECUTIVE NIGHT, BUT HE PAID VALERIE AND THEY WENT UPSTAIRS.

AFTER THEIR SESSION, VALERIE QUESTIONED THE MAN, ‘NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN WITH ME THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW. WHERE ARE YOU FROM?’ SHE ASKED.

THE MAN REPLIED, ‘ IOWA.’

‘REALLY’, SHE SAID.. ‘I HAVE FAMILY IN IOWA .’

‘I KNOW.’ THE MAN SAID. ‘YOUR SISTER DIED, AND I AM HER ATTORNEY. SHE ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU YOUR $15,000 INHERITANCE.’

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT THREE THINGS IN LIFE ARE CERTAIN:

  1. DEATH
  2. TAXES, AND
  3. GETTING SCREWED BY A LAWYER

Tardy Senior Wal-Mart Greeter

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late, but he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?”

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin………….

“They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”

2

Look At This Daddy

Many years ago I was packing for a business trip while my darling little three-year-old was having a great time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, “Daddy, look at this” and stuck out her finger.

Wanting to keep her happy and entertained I reached-out, grabbed her tiny finger, stuck it in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your cute little finger,” and pretended to munch on it.

I then went back to packing and happened to notice that my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her finger with a devastated look on her face.

So I asked, “What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?”