The Pilot And The Blonde

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I’M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON’T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I’M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON’T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, “YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I’LL HANDLE THIS, I’M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.”
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, “OH, I’M SORRY.” AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

“I TOLD HER, ‘FIRST CLASS ISN’T GOING TO TORONTO.

The Old Man And The Ring

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, “No, I’d like to see something much more special.”

“Of Course, sir,” said the jeweler who then went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $60,000” the jeweler said.

The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,

“By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday morning to verify the funds; then I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.”

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.”

“I know,’ said the old man…But let me tell you about my weekend.”

He Had It All

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, “Up until last month, I still had it all.

I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

I was working on my MBA via the Internet. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said,

“I was paroled.”