The Old Man And The Ring

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday evening with a beautiful much younger lady at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, “No, I’d like to see something much more special.”

“Of Course, sir,” said the jeweler who then went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $60,000” the jeweler said.

The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,

“By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday morning to verify the funds; then I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.”

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.”

“I know,’ said the old man…But let me tell you about my weekend.”

Short Books You Can Read Quickly

From time to time, it is helpful to have a short book handy. to fill the time, for instance when you are sitting o the toilet. Hopefully one of the treatises listed below will be to your liking.

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS 
By Tiger Woods
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY 
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan 
& Michelle Obama 
Illustrated by Michael Moore 
Foreword by George Soros
______________________________ __________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS 
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA 
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton” 
______________________________ ________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL 
By Hillary Clinton 
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY 
By Bill Clinton 
_________________
THINGS I CAN NOT AFFORD 
By Elon Musk  
______________________________ ______
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY 
By Dennis Rodman 
______________________________ ___ 
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE 
By Al Gore & John Kerry 
______________________________ _______ 
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC 
By Amelia Earhart 
______________________________ ______
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST 
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian 
______________________________ ____ 
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE 
By Ellen DeGeneres & Rosie O’Donnell 
__________________ 
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE 
By Mike Tyson 
______________________________ ____ 
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
______________________________ _________ 
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson &  Casey Anthony 
______________________________ ___________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY 
By Ted Kennedy 
________                                                                            _  
MY BOOK ON MORALS 
By Bill Clinton 
With introduction by 
The Rev. Jesse Jackson 
And foreword by 
Tiger Woods with John Edwards 
______________________________ _____________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL 
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS 
______________________________ _____________________ 
AND, RECENTLY ADDED: 
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy 
By Nancy Pelosi 
______________________________ ____________
And the shortest book of them all………………  
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE 
By Barack Hussein Obama

He Had It All

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, “Up until last month, I still had it all.

I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

I was working on my MBA via the Internet. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said,

“I was paroled.”