Only in Vero Beach

I went to the Wawa to grab a sandwich and as I went in I noticed two policemen watching a woman who was smoking while pumping her gas.

I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there! But anyways, I minded my own business and went inside and got my sandwich.

As I was paying for it, I heard someone screaming! Like I’m talking violent death screams!

I looked outside and I saw that this woman’s arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!

When I got outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out! Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the squad car.

I was wondering why she was arrested? Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a squad car?

So being nosy as I am, I asked the police what they were arresting her for.

He looked at me very seriously and said, “FOR WAVING A FIRE ARM!”

And That’s How The Fight Started…………..

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..

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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to make love?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said,’Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that’s how the fight started…..
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I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said, ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
And that’s how the fight started…..