When Your Old You Speak The Truth

I was standing at the bar at the Legion post one night minding my own business when this FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind, and said, “You’re kinda cute. You gotta phone number?
I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”
She said, “Yeah, I got a pen”.
I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”
Cost me 6 stitches…but,
When you’re over seventy………….who cares?

I went to the drugstore and told the clerk …”Give me 3 packets of condoms, please”
Lady Clerk: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”;
I said “Nah… She’s pretty good lookin’…”
When you’re over seventy………….who cares?

I was talking to a young woman at the Legion last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”;
I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”;
Cost me a fat lip, but… When you’re over seventy…………who cares?

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
“Really,” she said, “Go on then.. try.”
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”
I said, “Yesterday.”
Cost me a kick in the groin, but…When you’re over seventy…..who cares?

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re over seventy…..who cares?

I went to our Legion last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, “Good legs.”
The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so?”
I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”
When you’re over seventy….who cares?

Victor Davis Hanson: What One Had To Believe To Believe Jussie Smollett’s Story

Historian Victor Davis Hanson was speaking to an audience that gathered to hear his characteristic observations,  let loose with a two-minute comedy riff that had his listeners convulsed with laughter.

The subject: What one had to believe, to believe, Jussie Smollett’s story, which was universally accepted as gospel truth by most of the media.

This is well worth two minutes of your time:


The Magic Box

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, ‘What is this Father?’ The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.’

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…..

‘Go get your Mother’