Some Good Advice

For Young Men On There Way Up

  • You don’t have to keep every secret, just the important ones.
  • Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
  • Appreciate your parents. When they die, you become an orphan.
  • It’s okay to forgive, as long as you don’t forget.
  • Never make a scene after the age of 22. This also applies when you’re drinking.
  • If you wear cologne, no one should smell it from five feet away or five minutes after you’ve left.
  • When giving a toast, short and sweet is always best.
  • Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
  • Suck it up every now and then, especially for your family.
  • Don’t stare.
  • Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain.
  • Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
  • Admit it when you’re wrong, and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
  • If you offer to help, don’t quit until the job is done.
  • Know at least one good joke.
  • When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
  • If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
  • Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
  • Never ask the same question twice.
  • Be kind. Life is hard enough as it is.
  • Know your way around a kitchen.
  • Set Goals. Write them down.
  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Never park in front of a bar.
  • Play competitive sports for as long as you can.
  • Never date an ex of your friend.
  • If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
  • When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  • If you perspire, wear an undershirt.
  • People get tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  • Tip more than you should.
  • Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
  • Put your smartphone away. You probably use it too often and at the wrong moments.
  • Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
  • Value a handful of truly close friends over a hundred acquaintances.
  • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a wonderful companion.
  • Don’t split a check.
  • When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
  • Do not use an electric razor.
  • One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
  • Buy expensive sunglasses.
  • You may only request one song from the DJ.
  • Remember: You die twice, once when you stop breathing, and again when somebody mentions your name for the last time.
  • Staying angry is a waste of energy.
  • Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
  • Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
  • Avoid that “last” drink. You’ve probably had enough.
  • Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life.
  • Don’t linger in the doorway, in or out.
  • Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
  • You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.
  • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
  • Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
  • Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
  • Act like you’ve been there before.
  • Don’t gamble any amount of money that will piss you off if you lose.


It was two months before Christmas

When all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying

Nor taking a stand.

Why the PC Police had taken away

The reason for Christmas – no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say

December 25th is just a ‘ Holiday ‘.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks, and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CD’s from Bruno, an Xbox, an iPod

Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down

At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was nowhere to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny’s and Sears

You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Bernie, Now Kamala, Now Cory, and Warren

On Amy, on Kirsten, on Durbin, on Wyden!

At the top of the Senat, there arose such a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our freedoms

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate ‘In Isolation’ under your ‘Dream Tree’

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say


not “Happy Holiday “!

Please, all Christians join together and

wish everyone you meet


Christ is The Reason for the Christ-mas Season!