A Few Observations From An Old Fart
- I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.
- A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.
- RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
- WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS “1” FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?
- WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
- BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL HE DID WRONG.
- INSTEAD OF “SINGLE” AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER “INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED”.
- PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.
- LET’S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
- VEGETARIAN: AN ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN’T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!
- I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK….”REALLY? THAT’S THE SPERM THAT WON?”
- IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
- IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
- CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
- IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
- MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD….
- SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.