Red Skelton's Jokes On Marriage
When I was a kid my parents watched his television show every week. After getting married, my wife and I continued the tradition until his show went off the air in 1971.
He was a very funny guy and didn’t need to be crude to get a laugh.
Boy, how things have changed. And for the worse.
Below, Red Skelton describes what is needed for the perfect marriage.
- Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
- We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
- My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
- She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
- Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
- The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
- I said, “Dust!”.
These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four-letter word or be political. It was just clean and simple fun.
