Questions That Haunt Me

As we journey along the road of life, from time to time, we ask ourselves questions about things we encounter along the way, such as:

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway…
• Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Why, why, why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
• Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but then he ducks when someone throws a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that sofas and mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?