A Parent’s Worst Nightmare

A father walked past his son’s bedroom one day and had to do a double take.

He was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and the room was tidy and clean, with no clothes left on the floor.

As he entered his son’s bedroom he noticed an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. All it read was “Mom & Dad”.

Sweat slowly formed on his brow as he opened the envelope with trembling hands…

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice. However, I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, the tattoos on her upper neck, and tight-fitting motorcycle clothes.

I guess I should also point out that she is quite a bit older than me.

It’s not just the wild passion we have for each other, Dad, she’s pregnant and doesn’t believe in abortion.

Stacy is sure we can have a good life together and be very happy. You see, she owns a trailer that is parked in the woods and has a stack of firewood that should last us the whole winter. We plan to have several more children who can help around the trailer and tend to the garden.

Also, Stacy opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and just helps you mellow out. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and can trade it with other people in the commune for more potent drugs, should we so decide.

Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 17, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Joshua

P.S. Mom & Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that is on the kitchen table.

Please call when it’s safe for me to come home!