Skip to content
- If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me very attractive.
- I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom – until they’re flashing behind you.
- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- I’m great at multi-tasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- Take my advice, I’m not using it.
- Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
- Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
- Men say women should come with an instruction manual, but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.
- I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
- If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.