Dear Employees:
As the CEO of this for-profit company, I have finally resigned myself to the fact that Joe Biden will be our President come next year and consequently our taxes and government fees will increase substantially.
To compensate for this, our prices would need to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, it will be necessary to lay off sixty of our employees instead.
This was really bothering me because I believe we are family here and I didn’t know how to equitably choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty employees’ cars with ‘Biden Harris’ bumper stickers on them and have decided these folks will be the ones to be let go.
I can’t think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change…… so I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.