Clever Paraprosdokians

  • If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me very attractive.
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom – until they’re flashing behind you.
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I’m great at multi-tasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Take my advice, I’m not using it.
  • Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
  • Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  • Men say women should come with an instruction manual, but since when has any man stopped to read the instructions.
  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
  • If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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