COVID-19 Guidelines – According To The Media

Hopefully, this helps straighten out some of the confusion and misinformation out there about COVID-19 and what you should be doing.

I refuse to watch the news on this subject anymore because some of its true and some is it not so it is hard to tell who to believe. Newspeople are all robots and every station in every state reports the exact same thing word for word…regardless of if its true or not.

So Basically, this is what they are telling us:

  1. Basically, you can not leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
  2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one because it could save you, although it is useless, maybe it is mandatory as well.
  3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
  4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. The same applies to doctors. You should only go there in case of an emergency, provided you are not too sick.
  5. Hydroxychloroquine has been around for 50-years and was first used to prevent and treat malaria. Today, it is used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, some symptoms of lupus, childhood arthritis (or juvenile idiopathic arthritis) and other autoimmune diseases. It is not recommended for treatment of COVID-19 because Orange Man Trump said it might help and actually used it himself as a precaution. Pro-HCQ videos have been scrubbed from the Internet by big tech because they are medical practitioners and are trying to protect us from making out own decisions. We must listen to them because they are the bosses of us, whether we like it or not.
  6. This virus is deadly but still not that scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
  7. Gloves probably won’t help, but maybe they can still help.
  8. Everyone needs to stay home, but it’s important to go out because of the sun. Sunlight will kill the virus but not if the virus kills you first by walking in the sunlight where you may be exposed to the virus.
  9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but usually not in the morning. Sometimes.
  10. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
  11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested yet, and a tiger.. and one really deadly but also possibly fictional but very sick bat.
  12. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my God.
  13. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but also never go out to the grocery store so eat shelf-stable processed crap and stay inside your four walls but also stay healthy.
  14. It’s better to get some fresh air, but you may be arrested if you’re getting fresh air the wrong way, and most importantly don’t go to parks or the beach or walk outside. Don’t sit down too much, except that you can do that if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
  15. Under no circumstances should you go to retirement homes, but if you have to take care of the elderly and bring them food and medication then fine. Just wear gloves. The same ones. All-day.
  16. If you are sick, you can’t go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
  17. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn’t wear masks or gloves. But you have to leave your groceries outside for 3 hours to be decontaminated by the fresh air that also may have virus particles floating around in it.
  18. Taxi drivers are immune to the virus apparently since you can still take a taxi ride with a random taxi driver. Just don’t take the taxi to your mom’s house because you know. Stay away from your mom.
  19. You can walk around with a friend if you stay six feet apart but don’t visit with your family if they don’t live under the same roof as you. Even if you’ve all been locked inside for two months already. You may still have the virus and just not know it yet. You’ll find out. Wait another week. Wasn’t that week? It might be the next one. Keep waiting.
  20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at a safe social distance. Social distancing means you shouldn’t leave your house and don’t be social, except you may go to the liquor store but don’t socialize there while you’re being socially distant.
  21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn’t say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily, but if its warms outside, that is good.
  22. The virus stays in the air – well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
  23. We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are or were infected as we have only tested so far those who were “almost dead” to find out if that’s what they will die of…
  24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications).
  25. The virus will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity.. but you should stay inside until the virus disappears, whenever that is or until your Governor allows you to go outside again.
  26. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with ” I don’t want to trigger panic, but…”

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