Some Things To Think About

  • When you have a flask, every hour is happy hour.
  • Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
  • Never drink water – if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.
  • It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is. It’s always room-temperature.
  • Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.
  • When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist.A  He won’t expect it back.
  • If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
  • Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
  • Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.
  • The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  • If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
  • Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
  • Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
  • Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you–Chinese Proverb
  • You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
  • Strangers have the best candy.
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.
  • If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  • When the blind leadeth the blind, get out-of-the-way.
  • Keep smiling – it makes everyone wonder what you’re up to.
  • There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel…just hope it’s NOT a train!
  • If it doesn’t fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
  • If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
  • Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
  • Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop.
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
  • Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
  • Money can’t buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.
  • Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
  • When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  • There’s nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.
  • He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
  • Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
  • I’d rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.
  • Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.
  • Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
  • We are the people our parents warned us about.
  • Love your enemies. It’ll make ‘em crazy.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  • Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  • Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  • When in doubt, mumble.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
  • What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.

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