I just came across some therapists thoughts about shame. I mostly think he is full of crap. He states that “When we feel shame, it’s about who we are and that shame comes from being taught that we are worthless.”
I believe a good dose of shame now and then builds character. We should be ashamed when we do something bad. When I was a kid if one my parents said they were ashamed of me, I understood it was for something I did, not who I was. If you are raised properly and know the difference between right and wrong, you should be ashamed of something you do that is really bad. The key, is to learn from it and not do it again.
Of course, praise is even more powerful, when earned. When you tell a child your are proud of them for some accomplishment, they will strive to please you by doing more things to get praise.
Lots of “Proud” and a little “Shame” now and then is a good thing.